THE JOURNEY BEGINS

MAN, I COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN A DIVORCE. I HAVE NEVER SPENT SO MUCH MONEY IN MY LIFE. I AM IN DEBT OF AT LEAST SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. THAT'S JUST A ROUGH ESTIMATE. THE DEBT I HAVE ACCUMULATED IS NOT THAT FAR OFF. ACTUALLY, THE DEBT IS PRETTY ACCURATE TO SAY THE LEAST. IF ONE IS CONSIDERING A DIVORCE. ONE MIGHT WANT TO THINK AGAIN. IF NOT BE PREPARED FOR THE ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF HEAD GAMES YOU WILL INHERITED. IF ONE THINKS THEY ARE USE TO HEAD GAMES. GUESS AGAIN. DIVORCE GAMES ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE NORM. YOU SEE. WHEN LAWYERS ARE INVOLVED THAT'S WHERE THE FUN STARTS. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT EVERY TIME I CALLED MY LAWYER, HE CHARGES YOU PER MINUTE. THAT'S RIGHT PER MINUTE. GUESS WHAT, LAWYERS WILL BILL YOU FOR EMAILING THEM AS WELL. THINK I'M KIDDING. GUESS AGAIN. I'M NOT. CAN THEY DO IT. YOU BET. WHEN YOU PAY YOUR ATTORNEYS RETAINING FEE. THE RETAINING FEE IS BASED ON HOURS REPRESENTING YOU. MY ADVICE IS, IS TO DO YOUR HOME WORK FIRST. EMOTIONS RUN VERY, VERY HIGH. LAWYERS LOVE IT. THE MORE THE COUPLES ARGUE AND NICK PICK THE MORE THE CLOCK TICKS AT COSTS. BELIEVE, THINK OF THE LAWYERS CLOCK AS THE UNITED STATES NATIONAL DEBT. HOW EVERY SECOND OUR NATIONAL DEBT GROWS BY ONE MILLION DOLLARS OR ONE BILLION-FOUR HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS A DAY. THIS IS YOUR ATTORNEY FEES. EVERY MINUTE, LAWYERS ARE BILLING YOU. NOW, THIS IS NOT ALL A BAD THING, IT JUST MEANS THAT WHEN I GOT MY FIRST BILL FOR PHONE CALLS, I HAD TO PAY OVER ONE-HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS IN PHONE SERVICE. THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE RETAINING FEES. EVERY SIX MINUTES EQUALS ONE PART OF A PHONE BILL. ANYWAY, THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS DON'T CALL UNLESS YOU HAVE TOO. SECOND, BEFORE YOU CALL. MAKE A LIST OF QUESTIONS. MAKE A LIST OF QUESTIONS UP AHEAD OF TIME SO ONE IS ASKING ALL AT ONCE AND NOT ALL THE TIME. BY THE TIME THIS WAS DONE AND OVER WITH I HAD TAKEN OUT TWO PERSONAL LOANS EACH TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS EACH, FOURTEEN CREDIT CARDS, AND TWO REVOLVING LINE OF CREDIT. WHAT I DIDN'T REALIZE WAS, OUR MARRIAGE OF EIGHT YEARS GAVE US THREE KIDS. TECHNICALLY, AS SOON AS ONE FILES FOR DIVORCE CHILD SUPPORT BEGINS. HERE'S WHERE THE FUN STARTS. THE SOON TO BE EX WIFE DECIDES TO PLAY THE GAME OF "I HAVE NO MONEY FOR FOOD OR BILLS" REFERRING TO HER CREDIT CARDS. SHE ACTUALLY, FILED THE PAPERWORK FOR A DIVORCE AND TRIES TO CON ME INTO PAYING HER CREDIT CARDS FOR STARTERS. LIKELY, I GOT OUT OF THAT ONE MOMENTARILY. THE HORROR STORIES ARE UNBELIEVABLE. FOR EXAMPLE, I HAVE HAD COUPLES, MEN AND WOMEN SAY HOW THEIR SPOUSE RAN UP THEIR CREDIT CARDS AND DEBIT CARDS AND STUCK IT TO THEM. NOW, SADLY, EVEN THOUGH THIS PERSON DID NOT RUN THE CARDS YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEBT BELIEVE IT OR NOT. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU TWO ARE JOINT ACCOUNT HOLDERS, YOU ARE SURELY IN TROUBLE, THAT'S WHERE THE FIRST HEAD GAME STARTS. YOU BETTER CLOSE UP THE ACCOUNTS FAST LIKE I DID. SECOND, (THIS PART IS FUNNY), WHAT MY SPOUSE DIDN'T REALIZE WAS WHEN SHE FILED FOR DIVORCE IS THAT SHE HAS NO HEALTH INSURANCE. OH WELL, FUNNY THING IS SHE TRIED COMING BACK AND TALKING ME INTO PUTTING HER ON MY HEALTH INSURANCE. I TOLD HER TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT FOR THE ANSWER. IN OTHER WORDS, "WHAT DO YOU THINK". SHE SCREWED HERSELF OUT OF HEALTH INSURANCE. OH WELL, SHIT HAPPENS. MOVING ON. MY NEXT ADVICE I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. THIS IS CALLED COVER YOUR ASS BIG TIME. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE DIVORCED OR FILING A DIVORCE, YOU BETTER LEARN FAST TO DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I MEAN EVERYTHING. KEEP ALL RECEIPTS. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT. YOU WILL BE GOING TO COURT MORE THAN ONCE. THIS TACTIC WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. THE BEST DEFENSE IS KEEP ALL RECORDS FROM PAY STUBS, CHECKS, GAS RECEIPTS, FOOD, DIAPERS, CAR INSURANCE, IF YOUR CAR GETS STOLEN LIKE MINE, DOCUMENT THAT IS WELL. ONCE THE JUDGE SEES THE PROOF. YOUR BUTT IS COVERED. YOU MAY WANT TO INVEST IN A FIRE-PROOF SAFE TO STORE ALL VALUABLE DOCUMENTS FROM PAY STUBS TO MONEY-ORDER RECEIPTS TO CHECK RECEIPTS. THIS IS A VALUABLE ASS EST. THIRD, WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ALL THE TIME. REMEMBER, ONCE YOU FILE FOR DIVORCE OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND, YOU ARE BEING RECORDED ALL THE TIME, BELIEVE IT OR NOT. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO KIDS. TH ATS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE. NOW THE KIDS ARE PAWNS. MY SUGGESTION IS TO BE PATIENT WITH THE KIDS, DON'T USE THE ANALOGY OF I HAVE TO BE THE BETTER PERSON. THIS IS THE HEAD GAME. RATHER THINK IT THROUGH WITH PERSEVERANCE. USUALLY, COMMON SENSE IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL. ALWAYS TRY TO DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOUR SPOUSE IS TRYING TO DO. NEXT, KEEP BUSY, THE FASTER YOU ARE MOVING AROUND WITH YOURSELF, THE BETTER YOU ARE ABLE TO HANDLE IT BETTER. NEVER STAY IDLED. THAT IS A NO NO. LAUGHTER, THE ONE THING THE EX- HATES IS WHEN U ARE LAUGHING. REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LAUGH, WRONG, THE OPPOSITE IS WHAT U SHOULD BE DOING. LETTING GO AND TRYING TO RELAX. THEY DON'T LIKE THAT. IT BOTHERS THEM. NEXT. KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. THEY HATE IT. DRIVES THEM UP THE WALL. OH YEAH, KEEP YOUR CONVERSATIONS SHORT AND TOO THE POINT. ANYTHING ELSE IS IRRELEVANT. DON'T GIVE THE ENEMY ANY MORE THAN YOU HAVE TOO. NEXT, RATHER YOU GO TO CHURCH OR NOT, RATHER YOU BELIEVE IN GOD OR NOT, THERE IS NO WAY AROUND IT. NOBODY IS STRONG ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH THIS ALONG. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. THE STRESS ALONE WILL MAKE U BUCKLE. DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK TO GOD. PRAYING BELIEVE IT OR NOT WILL HELP YOU GREATLY. YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE DIVORCE BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IT GOD WILL HELP YOU DEAL WITH IT ALOT BETTER THAN ONE THINKS. I HAVE FOUND AN AWFUL LOT OF PEOPLE WHO GO THROUGH A DIVORCE SAY THAT THEY HAD TO RELY ON GOD AN AWFUL LOT THROUGH PRAYER, AND BEING ALONE. LIKE I SAID ITS ALL PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS. DON'T BE AFRAID OR ASHAMED. MOST OF ALL, DO NT BE PROUD TO ASK. I FOUND MYSELF IN ALOT BETTER HEADED BY TALKING ALOT TO GOD THAN IF I HAD NOT PRAYED AT ALL. ALSO, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE GOING THROUGH COUNSELING AND SUPPORT GROUPS. RELAX, THIS IS ALL NORMAL AND PART OF THE PROCESS. SOME ARE GOOD, OTHERS AREN'T. DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE MEDICATION. MOST PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THAT. NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT. SADLY, BUT GOOD, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LEARN TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.