MEMORY

first, turn off yahoo messenger. Second, do something on Google. Focus on Resume. This process is called brainstorming. Writing whatever comes to mind, regardless. Third, focus back on Google. Today's subject,I cant let go of the fact that all i think about is the good times, the positive moments, the time spent with the kids is whats bothering me. For example, helping my daughter ride her bike for the first time. I still remember that to this day. I remember buying the bike at a local walmart. I also, remember buying her the Doro the explorer hat to wear as part of the safety measures u have to have for a child to ride bike. I even remember putting the training wheels on and i remember putting on the tassels on the grips. My daughter was saying how cool these were and didn't know what these were. I still remember telling her "daddy"had these too on his bike when he was a little boy. Anyway, i still hold on to her as i remember pushing her from behind and watching her take off for the first couple of times and how she handled herself quite well. A couple of spills, as expected.however, convincing her to get back up and brush it off and get back on the bike is priceless. I remember her taking off. I simply refuse to let go of the kids. Every time i call the kids, i always, always get the answering machine. This really pisses me off, which is exactly what it is supposed to do. This feels like it is removing the emotion of hope in saying hello to the kids right away. So i have to think it through and leave a polite message in asking to speak to the kids. Sometimes, i have to make four to five phone calls before i am able to get through. Then,when i do finally get through, i am only able to speak for a couple of minutes. I cannot really say much. The only thing i can say is that i love u kids. i love u kids very much. I also tell the kids that daddy misses them very much. Ironically, i received a letter from her attorney stating not to tell the "children" this cause it harms stress to the children. I also, should not pin them in the middle of this seeing that the children do not know what is going on. I wasn't pinning the children at all. i was however, expressing a feeling of love to them. Letting them know that i still think about them and miss them. Ironically, the kids are the one who tell me this first. All the time, every time. You know what, this whole thing is not only sad, it is also childish. All she is doing(I'm referring to the ex-wife) is punishing the kids as well. Rather she wants to admit it or not. I know the kids mother is recording my conversation with the kids. Just doesnt make sense at all. Oh well, shit happens.